Gym Videos
When I go to the gym, it is very important to me to listen to my own music because, by and large, I hate almost all modern music. So, I pick out a good playlist, and try not to pass out. Unfortunately, when I’m on some of the machines, I cannot get the plasma screens out of my line of sight. So, I have to suffer through some terrible videos on “B TV.” That’s Bally TV, I guess, and sometimes, in between The Jesus Lizard or Bruce Springsteen songs, I can actually hear these aural abortions.
Here are a few of the thoughts that drive through my head like a Ferrari.
* Madonna, seriously, you suck now more than ever. You offer nothing to music artistically, if you ever did. And anyone who brings up your “business savvy” as a testament to your supposed greatness needs to have their eardrums blown out by an excessively loud Melvins show. Music already has too many business people destroying it from within. Marketing is not music.
* Beyonce, shut the fuck up. If a woman wants to remain single, that’s her fucking prerogative (as that other shit stain, Bobby Brown would say). Quit cajoling women into putting “a ring on it.” And if I were you, I’d beat the shit out the choreographer you hired for that stupid ass video. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy looking at your ass (and that’s all I enjoy about you) but that metal, gothic-industrial glove you put on and kept flashing at the camera makes you look way more retarded than even I thought you were.
* Honestly video “directors,” haven’t we had enough footage of the bad-ass black woman who aint gonna take her man’s shit anymore walking up and down a runway with all kinds of attitude? When En Vogue did it, okay fine, I’ll admit it was new and cool. Now, you’re just copying what someone else did years ago. You guys suck, but then, I guess you’ll always suck. You can’t teach creativity.
* Creed, aside from being fucking terrible, you’re not “hardcore.” You’re pansies. I don’t care how many sit ups you did to make your stomach look ripped, and no amount of head banging from your bass player is gonna convince anyone but your stupid fans that you guys are hardcore. Blink 182 makes you guys look like pussies. Think about THAT! A shitty, no talent punk wannabe band makes YOU look like pussies. Hint: metal and religion DON’T mix. Unless of course, it’s Satanism.
* Seriously, Madonna. Kill yourself. You killed modern music, and I think you should repay the debt.
If I offended your taste in music, too bad, you have horrible taste in music, and you should be offended as often as possible. Music is more than just pretty sounds.
