Letters to Hipsters (I)
Dear Howling Hipster Bike Rider,
I know you don’t want to get into a horrific accident when a car pulls around a corner and leaves you in a tangle of steel and chain and skinny jeans and ill fitting plaid shirt. I know it’s dangerous to care about the environment enough to ride your bike around town.
BUT. Whenever you ride by me and you feel the need to yell out nonsensical howls in an effort to get me to notice you like a petulant baboon, you only make me want to stomp on the accelerator. If I didn’t see you before, congratulations, I see you. Only now, I want to run you over.
Get a pretty pink bell and ring it when you come to a corner, I’m sure it’ll appeal to your hipster sensibilities. Or hey, how about this: don’t ride a fixed gear bike, stupid! Get some brakes on your bicycle and you can conceivably stop when you see an emergency. Or at least you can slow down, making your injuries a little less crippling. I rode a motorcycle for years, but I wasn’t stupid enough to EVER get on unless I knew the brakes were in tip top shape. You see, that’s a little performance rule: power is nothing without control.
Thanx.
John.
PS
Stop fucking screaming when you ride by my window, which is on a corner as well. I just bought myself a pellet gun, and cut a little hole in my screen, and I’m a great aim. Fucking try me.
