Dear Stupid Glasses Wearing Hipster,
Look, I know it’s difficult to stay on top of the trends (and yet try your hardest to not look like you’re following a trend), but when you wear those eyeglasses that you picked out specifically because they looked like only a retarded old person would wear them, you look… Well, fucking retarded. No offense to retarded people, of course. I’m sure if THEY had all their facilities, they would NEVER pick out such stupid frames.
It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, when I look through those giant windows you call glasses, I want to throw a rock through them. Obviously, if the look you wanted was that of a school administrator from 1985, well, then bravo! You’ve succeeded!
If you happen to be the kind of hipster that chooses to wear non-prescription clear glasses, or (even worse) empty frames, you should be kneed in the stomach.