January 2012
5 posts
The First Capitalist
I wonder quite a bit about this. Who was the first capitalist? Obviously, this is probably an unanswerable question, since this person most likely predates the written word.
If we think about the most basic definition: “an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods,” it basically means, someone owns something, then wields power over those that do...
Hipsterism: the only movement that few, if any practitioners thereof, admit to doing. Not unlike bowel movements.
I have such disdain for myself that if you ever compliment me on anything, I’ll probably insult your taste in people.
If you get into a fender bender and refuse to pull over, leaving your vehicles in the middle of the street, ignorantly believing that area now to be a “crime scene,” then I hope your mother hates you as much as I do.
It doesn’t bother me if some dick thinks he owns his girlfriend, and gets all pissy when I look at her, what bothers me is that he thinks he owns the photons reflecting off her ass.
May 2011
1 post
Crime Story. →
Pretty much one of the best openings to any TV show ever. Michael Mann executive produced, Abel Ferrara directs. These first 5 minutes are awesome.
Who wants to come over and watch the whole series (2 seasons).
April 2011
3 posts
Road Stories. →
Yeah, I know I bothered a bunch of you about this already. Last time, I swear (probably).
Road Stories.
My friend Murray Valeriano and I discuss my doing a comedy set at my high school reunion, or as he calls it, “The worst decision ever made in comedy.”
http://roadstories.libsyn.com/road-stories-lebarons-ad-reunions-john-vargas
February 2011
3 posts
Religion and Violence.
Christians are quick to assess Islam as the most violent religion in history. But I’m sure there are at least a hundred million indigenous peoples that would argue that christianity is pretty violent. That is, if they weren’t all dead.
Sometimes I Do Stand Up →
People have been known to laugh.
January 2011
1 post
December 2010
1 post
November 2010
1 post
October 2010
2 posts
: Alfred Explains Stand-up Comedy To A Burgeoning,... →
mikeburns:
Bruce, when some men start in comedy, if they’re funny, it’s like they’ve been placed in a room made of drywall, and told to break themselves out. Sure, it’s difficult, but after a short while they prevail, and while breaking through the wall they think to themselves, “That wasn’t too hard, I can…
This post is so spot on, it almost made me give up stand up. Then I noticed I...
September 2010
4 posts
“What’s interesting about O’Donnell is that she heightens the contradictions...”
– Great Goldbergs in History:
Michelle Goldberg, The Daily Beast (via jamesurbaniak)
3D.
Hollywood rediscovered 3D. Finally, they can force feed us all the REALLY terrible movies they were afraid to make before. Movies whose mediocrity even CGI would fail to mask. How thankful these terrible writers, directors and producers must be now. When before, they actually had to make a movie about people you actually gave a shit about. Now, that doesn’t matter in the least!
CGI was bad...
August 2010
5 posts
Meg Whitman
So, wait… We let CEOs of corporations and banks destroy this economy with their greed and sociopathic tendencies, and now a CEO is being foisted upon us as governor? Is that the way it goes? Surely this can’t be right…
Truly, capitalism will be death of american politics (if it hasn’t gasped its last breath yet). I don’t want to believe we are so stupid as to allow...
Free Comedy and Beer at Origami Vinyl Tonight at...
mattbraunger:
Hey Tumblr pals,
My friends Neil and Sean of Origami Vinyl in Echo Park asked me to put on a show in their record store. I haven’t been promoting it as well as I should have been, as things have been a little all over the place. Anyway, thing is I got some of the best comics in LA to do it and you should go. If you live in LA, please come or at least re-post this. It’ll be real...
Dr. Laura
Vomiting racial epithets doesn’t make you a crusader for the first amendment. It makes you a racist piece of shit, you fucking idiot. You too, Palin. When are you two useless wastes of carbon going to get on the same doomed helicopter?
While I do believe that you should be allowed to say whatever you want (no matter how racist or stupid), every time I hear a white person lamenting the fact...
"Ground Zero" Mosque
People that are upset about the “ground zero” mosque (that actually won’t be on ground zero) must be glad that there aren’t enough Indians left to protest the building of churches near the many sites of native american genocide.
February 2010
2 posts
12 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal
daisyrosario:
glamsoda:
writer-a:
thedailywhat:
Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.
Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight...
Love DOES Happen!
I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. I struggled with doing this, but I cannot resist my darker angels.
I was at The New Beverly recently to watch “Amadeus.” As were everyone else you see in this pic taken surreptitiously on my iPhone as I pretended to play a game.
Let me tell you what I see. First a mohawk. Really? in 2010? A fucking mohawk? I mean, if it was 1979, sure I would’ve thought you...
January 2010
4 posts
Road Rage
Sometimes when I drive with someone, I am accused of having road rage. Which pisses me the fuck off. Road rage? Hardly. Just because I may call someone a fuckface in the privacy of my own car, doesn’t mean I have a problem. And usually, it’s more playful. Like, “Oh, is that how fuckheads make right turns?” But again, it’s very conversational, and no one’s...
Rush and Pat.
Rush Limbaugh, you bloated, ignorant, perfect example of everything terrible about this country; when? When will you give humanity what it needs by shuffling off this mortal coil? We’re waiting for that massive coronary, or that stroke, or that overdose. I hope you die the worst possible death available, a slow asphyxiation from those pills you pop, a painful, brutal heart attack from the...
December 2009
4 posts
You *Heart* Nerds, Huh?
You *heart* nerds, huh? Really? Do you even know what a nerd is, pretty girl?
I’ve been seeing this a lot lately; women who look like they should be dating a musician or a hack associate producer on a crappy reality show, espousing their “love” of nerds. Some of these women are hot, empirically speaking. While, I would not necessarily agree with that opinion, I can understand...
The Debt.
As of late, I have been receiving call after call from Bank of America about a rather sizable financial debt I owe them. Now, granted, I fucked my own life up by WAY over extending myself and owing much too much money to these fuckers. And, to be honest, I had every intention of paying off said debt. Then I lost my job.
That was a year ago. Since then, it has become increasingly clear to me that...
November 2009
5 posts
A Brave Little Dude. →
Yes! This kid rules! I wish I had balls (that haven’t dropped yet) like this when I was his age!
I'm Getting Old.
I don’t have a problem with the fact I’m getting old, for the most part. Frankly, I’ve felt old and out of touch for years now, watching old movies, listening to old music. That’s been a huge part of my life for most of life, really. I remember an old homeless guy asked me for some change at the end of a freeway exit, and as he came close to my window to receive my gift of...
Gym Videos
When I go to the gym, it is very important to me to listen to my own music because, by and large, I hate almost all modern music. So, I pick out a good playlist, and try not to pass out. Unfortunately, when I’m on some of the machines, I cannot get the plasma screens out of my line of sight. So, I have to suffer through some terrible videos on “B TV.” That’s Bally TV, I...
Jocks. Still Stupid After All these Years.
Changing the channels, I paused for a moment on the World Series. The commentators were talking about the new game. This is the scintillating, brilliant discussion on strategy I heard:
Jock A: “How do the Phillies get back into the series?”
Jock B: “Well, the Phillies have to get some runs.”
Really, Jock B? The Phillies have to get some runs to win the game? Are you...
October 2009
5 posts
Another one of the thousands of reasons I love Tom Waits:
You never know when you’ll hear a rooster crow.
Fuck Democrats and Democracy.
So. Democrats control the house AND senate, and they STILL capitulated to Republicans in health care reform? No public option. Democrats are useless morons. They can’t stick up for themselves, therefore they cannot stick up for you. Whatever your opinion on health care reform, the majority of the population AND doctors supported a public option, and they caved in their jelly-like spines to...
September 2009
6 posts
Letters to Hipsters (II)
Dear Stupid Glasses Wearing Hipster,
Look, I know it’s difficult to stay on top of the trends (and yet try your hardest to not look like you’re following a trend), but when you wear those eyeglasses that you picked out specifically because they looked like only a retarded old person would wear them, you look… Well, fucking retarded. No offense to retarded people, of course....
Letters to Hipsters (I)
Dear Howling Hipster Bike Rider,
I know you don’t want to get into a horrific accident when a car pulls around a corner and leaves you in a tangle of steel and chain and skinny jeans and ill fitting plaid shirt. I know it’s dangerous to care about the environment enough to ride your bike around town.
BUT. Whenever you ride by me and you feel the need to yell out nonsensical howls in...
Teabaggin'
Look, teabaggers, if you weren’t so fucking sexually repressed, maybe you’d see that your cause is retarded. And that you picked one of the funniest names in annals (?!) of protest history.
Get laid. Fuck your wife. Or that guy sunbathing in the park you keep “running into.” You know you don’t like the park THAT much, dude! After you admit to your sexual needs, maybe...