Your Disdain Only Fuels Me.
30 Jan 12

The First Capitalist

I wonder quite a bit about this. Who was the first capitalist? Obviously, this is probably an unanswerable question, since this person most likely predates the written word.

If we think about the most basic definition: “an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods,” it basically means, someone owns something, then wields power over those that do not. Often too much unreasonable power over the rest of us. We then have a choice: work for them, or seek out a way to own our own capital, or means of production, and then wield unreasonable power over others.

But who was that first guy?

I imagine someone near the beginning of our primordial evolution, when we were barely able to formulate a rational thought that was not animalistic or based on instinct and emotion; when we were just beginning to farm our own food, and corral our own animals for sustenance, he looked at all the people pulling together to gather up enough food in this time of plenty to get through what they knew would be a time of scarcity just beyond the horizon, and said, “This is now all mine!”

My musings further envision a angry, confused mob beating him senseless and banishing his beaten and bruised body to suffer the pitiless world without the help of the many.

Sadly, at some point, another greedy fuck promised a few of the bulkier, less intelligent of our ancestors a special, loftier, lazier place in his imagined new world order, and wrested power from those that deserved it: the many. 

And through threat of violence and starvation did capitalism, in it’s earliest, amoeba-like form, came to be created.

And since then, what, if anything, has changed?

Oh, if only we were as wise and energetic and unapologetic of our stance for the many as these people I envisioned in my imagination to be.

If only…

30 Jan 12

Hipsterism: the only movement that few, if any practitioners thereof, admit to doing. Not unlike bowel movements.

30 Jan 12

I have such disdain for myself that if you ever compliment me on anything, I’ll probably insult your taste in people.

30 Jan 12

If you get into a fender bender and refuse to pull over, leaving your vehicles in the middle of the street, ignorantly believing that area now to be a “crime scene,” then I hope your mother hates you as much as I do.

21 Jan 12

It doesn’t bother me if some dick thinks he owns his girlfriend, and gets all pissy when I look at her, what bothers me is that he thinks he owns the photons reflecting off her ass.

08 May 11
25 Apr 11
25 Apr 11
Doing this show Wednesday. Great line up, great spot. You should come!

Doing this show Wednesday. Great line up, great spot. You should come!

(via edgalvez)


06 Apr 11

Road Stories.

My friend Murray Valeriano and I discuss my doing a comedy set at my high school reunion, or as he calls it, “The worst decision ever made in comedy.”

http://roadstories.libsyn.com/road-stories-lebarons-ad-reunions-john-vargas

21 Feb 11

Communist Indoctrination.

I had a conversation this weekend with a person who is fearfully lamenting the Chinese communist indoctrination of our children. And then I laughed. Aren’t the Chinese better at this capitalism thing than we are at this point? So, in the midst of a couple of hot wars, we are supposed to start ANOTHER cold one?

All unjust wars, cold or hot are as stupid (though not as hilarious) as Sterling Hayden’s character in “Dr. Strangelove.”